The Captain Told Me to Tell You
by Kyonkichi89
Summary: Captain Kuchiki is being evasive and his communication skills leave much to be desired. Renji gets frustrated. Bya/Ren slash.


**Summary: **Captain Kuchiki is being evasive and his communication skills leave much to be desired. Renji gets frustrated. Bya/Ren slash that came to me while listening to an Ani Difranco song of all things...Anyways, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach or any of its characters, seeing as they are already the property of Kubo Tite. I wrote this for my own enjoyment and that of other slash fanatics, not for profit.

**The Captain Told Me to Tell You**

"Captain Kuchiki told me to tell you that he needs the new recruits' paperwork filled out before the lunch break." The fifth seat delivered his report while still struggling for breath, leading Renji to assume that he'd run all the way from the office to the training ground.

"And he made you run all the way down here to tell me?" the vice captain asked incredulously. Renji thought it wouldn't kill Captain Kuchiki to deliver his messages himself every once in awhile, but so far it had never happened.

The fifth seat nodded. "He said it was urgent."

"Lemme guess," Renji said, rolling his eyes. "That translates into 'Renji must get his ass up to the office and do his paperwork this instant.'"

Renji did not wait for a reply, which suited his subordinate because the startled officer had no idea how to respond. Instead, the sixth squad lieutenant turned and proceeded to the division headquarters, tossing a casual, "Thanks," over his shoulder.

Reaching the office he shared with the captain, Renji was surprised to find it empty. He had expected to find his superior waiting to detail him on this "urgent" assignment, or possibly to scold him for not arriving in a more timely manner. Instead, Renji was met with a vacant room and a desk full of paperwork. He sighed resignedly and pulled the top sheet towards him. The flowing script was instantly recognizable as the captain's and Renji skimmed it quickly, snorting in disgust as he read Kuchiki's detailed instructions explaining how to fill out the new recruit forms.

"So!" Renji growled to the empty room. "Can't lower himself to describe this crap to me in person, eh? Had to leave me a note so His Majesty wouldn't have to talk to the commoners?"

The vice captain continued to grumble, ignoring Captain Kuchiki's written request to use "neat, elegant script as is in accordance with your division and rank".

A knock came at the door just as Renji finished slashing his signature at the bottom of the last page.

"Yeah?" he called, not bothering to be more formal since the captain was still missing in action.

An unseated officer tentatively entered the office and bowed, keeping her eyes on the floor. "Captain Kuchiki told me to tell you that you're to lead the morning training session."

"Um, okay," Renji blinked, bewildered. The request itself was not unusual, but the fact that the captain had sent an unseated officer with the message was strange and somewhat insulting. This little girl had just spoken with Captain Kuchiki and he, the vice captain, hadn't seen him all day? It was hardly fair.

Renji placed the completed forms on the captain's mahogany desk for his superior to review and left the office for the training grounds.

"So," the grumbling recommenced, but with a little less surety. "He'll talk to commoners, but not to me, huh? Can't take the time to tell me these things himself?"

The day progressed in the same fashion. Upon arriving at the training grounds, Renji was handed another note, this one outlining the day's training regimen.

After training, Renji received the notification, "The captain told me to remind you about your lunch meeting with Vice Captain Matsumotto today."

Another subordinate approached him that afternoon, saying, "The captain told me to tell you that there's a reconnaissance mission to the Real World scheduled for next Tuesday."

"And he couldn't just send me a Hell Butterfly _why_?" demanded an irate Renji. The low ranking officer merely bowed respectfully and said that he didn't know.

Moments later, yet another unseated officer skidded to a halt in front of the lieutenant. She doubled over with her hands on her knees and gasped, "Captain Kuchiki…wants form number…36-C from the archives…on his desk…before you leave."

By the time the third officer arrived, Renji was about ready to burst a blood vessel. "Well? What is it this time?" he snapped before the fourth seat could even open her mouth. "The captain needs me to wash his scarf for him, is that it?"

"No, Vice Captain Abarai, it's not that," the fourth seat mumbled, looking distinctly embarrassed. She inspected her nails and said uncomfortably, "The captain wants me to tell you that you'll have to redo part of the recruitment form because…um,"

"Because what?" Renji made a halfhearted attempt to lower his voice and failed.

"Well, because…He says it's because your handwriting is 'illegible and therefore unacceptable.'" She was quick to add, "Those are his words, not mine."

"That's it!" Renji snarled. "I've had it with this idiotic bastard!" His subordinate paled at Renji's blatantly disrespectful comment, but the vice captain ignored her expression of shock. "Where's the captain?" he barked. "I wanna talk to him."

"I think he's in your office, Vice Captain," the fourth seat stammered, still in shock.

Turning without a word of thanks, Renji stalked to his office. He was sick of the captain refusing to give him orders face to face. He understood that his captain was busy, but sending subordinates to comment on his handwriting was taking things a bit too far. Sure, Captain Kuchiki complained about his chicken scratch all the time, but that was something he did _in person. _And the fact that the captain had spoken to so many various and sundry subordinates but not Renji left the vice captain feeling jealous and bereft for some reason.

"I'm jealous because I'm his lieutenant!" Renji exclaimed to no one as he neared the division headquarters. "He's supposed to tell me things before everyone else and brief me on the important stuff, not ignore me all day!" He refused to acknowledge the small part of his brain that suggested the possibility that his jealousy went deeper.

Renji hadn't been this angry in awhile. That same rational part of his brain warned him that he was letting his temper run rampant. It whispered to take deep breaths so that he could speak to the captain like a normal human being as opposed to an enraged wild animal, but Renji ignored it. Instead, he stormed into the office without knocking, fully prepared to throw things.

He registered that the captain was sitting at his desk in one moment and had dragged his superior out of his chair in the next. Renji knew that slamming Captain Kuchiki into the wall in order to demand answers was a bad idea, but he did it anyway.

"I haven't seen you all day!" To Renji's horror, his voice sounded less like a vice captain seething with self-righteous anger and more like a whining girlfriend. He tried again.

"Why won't you talk to me? I'm sick of getting messages from shrimpy brats who aren't even seated! The least you could do is give me your damn orders in person!"

That was as far as the lieutenant's rant got before Captain Kuchiki used his shunpo to escape Renji's grasp. Before the vice captain could blink, Kuchiki has reversed their positions and it was Renji's turn to be pinned to the wall. The captain regarded his subordinate coolly without speaking. Renji squirmed with discomfort under the inscrutable gaze, but the sight of the chiseled features also made him realize how much he'd missed the captain's presence. Meanwhile, his mouth couldn't seem to shut up and found it necessary to voice things Renji hadn't even realized before he said them.

"I just want you to acknowledge my existence and pay attention to me every once in awhile, dammit!" A though struck him and his anger ebbed somewhat to be replaced with worry. "Did I do something wrong?"

This drew a reaction from the Sixth Division captain at last. His eyes softened a fraction and Renji felt a thumb brush across the back of his hand. "No," Kuchiki said. "It was nothing you did. I find that talking to you results in certain…problems. My method of communication today was meant to reduce them. I see it did not work as planned."

"Damn right, it didn't!" Renji said indignantly. He then grabbed onto something the captain had said earlier. "What problems?" He asked.

Kuchiki stared hard at his vice captain and his gaze was o intense that Renji blushed. Just as he was telling himself to quit acting like some sort of lovesick girl because the captain was definitely _not_ thinking what he was thinking, Renji's superior seemed to come to a conclusion.

"Whenever I talk to you, I find it extraordinarily difficult to keep myself from doing this." Kuchiki released Renji's arms and leaned in to kiss his lieutenant gently on the lips. When Renji gasped in surprise, the other man pulled away and searched his face for reactions.

Renji stared at the floor and chewed his lip – a most endearing nervous habit, Kuchiki observed. But when he looked up again, it was directly into the captain's eyes and with resolve and a hint of humor. "And how is that a problem?"

Kuchiki's fleeting smile was enough to make Renji's heart lurch. But then his captain pressed him against the wall and kissed him again and Renji though of nothing both the taste and feel of Kuchiki Byakuya. Because the other man's tongue was in his mouth wrapped around Renji's own and the lieutenant thought he'd never tasted anything so delicious in his life. He threaded his fingers through dark hair and pressed closer, trying to get more of that mint chocolate flavor, that mixture of cold and sweet that was his captain.

By the time they broke for air, Renji's hair tie had been removed and his face was framed in curtains of unruly red. Byakuya's lips were bruised as a result of his possessive kisses and his usually pale face was actually flushed. Renji decided this interesting little turn of events warranted his use of the captain's first name and allowed the rational part of his brain a moment's triumph before breaking the silence.

"Actually, I can see on problem."

Byakuya pulled back slightly and worry clouded his features before he carefully schooled them back into an expression of serene calm. "Oh?"

"And that is," Renji declared, nipping Byakuya lightly on the jaw, your unceasing bashing of my handwriting."

"My apologies," Byakuya smirked. "At that point, I had decided to tell you about my problem anyway and I needed some way to get you up here, did I not? Besides," he continued, "you are adorable when you're angry."

Renji opened his mouth to dispute this last statement by saying something along the lines of, "I'm not adorable, dammit!" or perhaps to bemoan Byakuya's lack of communication skills. Byakuya, however, silenced his lieutenant with a kiss.


End file.
